She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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