have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
