i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
