she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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