Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
