sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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