I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
