I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
