and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
