they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
