we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
