final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
