OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
