im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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