i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
