if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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