I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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