In the future we'll all be gay
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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