I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize