I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
