There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
