Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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