Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
