I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
