Im at strip club and am horny
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
