...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
