We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
