I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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