dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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