it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
