She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
