My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
