were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
