You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
