ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
