Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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