I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
