i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
