I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
