I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
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