TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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