Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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