U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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