i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
