I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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