I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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