Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize