Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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