Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
