I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
