Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
