My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have feelings that need drinking.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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