I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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