brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
