I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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