Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
