Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
