So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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