There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
