Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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