Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
