If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
