I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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