I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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