Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
