Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
