I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm always down for nudity.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
