im six kinds of drunk right now
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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