I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
