It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
