remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
