Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
