i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
