if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
