Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
