i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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