'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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