we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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