Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
