Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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