I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
