Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
