i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
