Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
