if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
